Dealing with Arguments

Topic for Today - Dealing with Arguments

 Arguments and difficulties can happen at the best of times and in the best of conditions - well these are very challenging times so we can maybe expect more trouble and arguments to break out.  Please remember, this is normal, happens in every house and is part of finding ways to learn and develop together.  That said, they are often still difficult and upsetting.

So what can we do to:

1. Avoid big bust ups?

Think about regular flash points; meal times, bed time, when you have to say no!

Start a conversation with those involved, even small children are able to talk and share, to find solutions:

“I’ve noticed this causes a problem, what can we do to get round or avoid it?”

With children and young people

Good behaviour is rewarded

Not doing what was agreed would result in a withdrawal of certain privileges or treats

With adults, it is about trust and trying to do your best, together

Remember to include everyone in deciding the consequences - that way the individual might feel that it is fairer as they were part of the decision

But follow through on what is decided - consistency is very important

Remember this is about poor or not nice behaviour, we all get it wrong sometimes and can do and say awful things.  So, try to call out the behaviour, not the person - that wasn’t kind rather than you aren’t kind!  Encouragement generally works a lot better than heavy criticism and name calling!

2. Deal with arguments if they are happening right here right now

Ok, so the screaming and shouting is in full flow, what can you do?

Can we suggest separation - this can be hard during lock down, but different rooms to get people to calm down? 

Calm down time needs to be at least 20 mins for people to get their bodies and minds in a manageable state - for some it may take longer (don’t talk about the problem during that calm down time, it defeats the object)

Another option could be distraction - come and do this, look your favourite programme is on, I’m trying to find something can you help me? Nothing good comes out of a screaming match so try calm it down as quickly as possible.

Once calm is restored you can then go to the suggestions above, and talk about why that situation happened and how it can be avoided in the future.

Ground rules are important in any home, and respect for the space and time we all need, so keep that in mind and maybe review what’s happening right now to see if someone is needing a little extra help or support.  Talk, share, plan, try and review…. And celebrate even small wins so one less argument a day is a result!

There are also some other great support organisations across Hartlepool, if you could do with talking to someone and getting a little extra help and support.

Take a look at Changing Futures North East site

They have lots of resources and support and if you feel you could also help others they are always looking for volunteers.

You could also look at Families First North East website

If your family includes children with special needs or disabilities

But do remember that during Lock Down your and your families safety stays a priority - you do not need permission to protect yourself or help protect someone else. 

If you are in danger of harm, please get to a safe place as soon as you can, or call 999.

Ok, well those are our thoughts for today, take care, stay safe, well, kind, creative and connected!

Don’t go out if we don’t absolutely need to (i.e. for food basics), keep a safe distance (2 meters) from the other people around us. Keep smiling, waving and talking. Wash hands and avoid touching faces when out and about. 

Anything we can do to stop and slow the virus is keeping more of us safe and literally saving lives. 

If you have symptoms, stay inside and contact 111 or the website to get more advice.

Look forward to speaking again soon (Tomorrow we will be talking about building optimism!)

See you soon

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